


Sit Secluded in Hatred, Void the Plans Friends are Making

by Treesaremy_spiritanimal



Series: Tommy is down and needs a hug [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Currently working on more cause I AM ON A ROLL TONIGHT, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt and basically zero comfort, I REPEAT NOT A SHIP, I don't know how to title, I let myself go with this one;;, I used up all my brain power on this, I'm Sorry, I'm bad at writing, Not a ship, Other, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Suicidal Thoughts/Actions, Swearing, Tommy deserved better, Tommy is losing it, Tommy is sad, Tommy needs better friends, Uh tommy really needs a hug, like i said earlier tommy needs a hug :(, please help tommy, technoblade and tommy are brothers, vent fic AGAIN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 22:55:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29750271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Treesaremy_spiritanimal/pseuds/Treesaremy_spiritanimal
Summary: Tommy can't handle his emotions.Everything is too much.A voice screaming in his ear told him to end it.So he did.--This is a songfic of "Saline Solution" by Wilbur SootAAA, this is my second one today and I don't know how to feel. Please don't read if triggered easily! Stay safe!!!P.S. AGAIN, NOT HOW I VIEW TOMMYINNIT! Tommyinnit is a wonderful guy, you should consider watching him if you haven't already!
Series: Tommy is down and needs a hug [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2186418
Comments: 5
Kudos: 70
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hallo.
> 
> I BRING TECHNO INTO THE MIX HAHAHA!
> 
> Also, I have no clue if this is will connect with my last work "Where is home?" as I don't know how I'll connect it. But I'm telling you, I will.
> 
> ALSO, OFFICIALLY DECIDED, THIS AND ALL MY OTHER WORK WILL BE SET IN THE MINECRAFT UNIVERSE!! B U T, it will not follow the DreamSMP timeline. Instead, it may reference it, but it will be a story by itself :)
> 
> As of 2/27/21, I am writing the next part for this one.
> 
> Don't worry, Tommy gets his hug :D
> 
> TW!!!:  
> -Suicide attempt!  
> -Yelling (but in word form?)  
> -Not so nice thoughts  
> -Tommy shuts down from too many emotions.  
> -Happy but not really ending?
> 
> That's about it. Tread carefully as I don't remember too much of the TWs for this. It's better to be cautious than to force yourself to read this cause you want angst. Stay safe, and don't waste damaging your mental health on a vent fic! Go read some fluff instead :)
> 
> Enjoy!!

_ One, two, three, and four _

Tommy was cold. 

Tommy was freezing. 

Tommy wanted a god damn  _ hug _ .

His gaze was fixated on a butterfly that flew past him. He watched as it slowly flew around, slowly falling to the ground, till it found a flower.

Tommy’s legs were dangling off of his roof. 

“Saline Solution” played in the background, echoing within his eardrums. Blocking out the rest of the world around him.

_ I think this time I’m dying _

A small cough shook his body as he shivered.

His head was pounding, his eyes were strained, and his body ached, but he sat there. His body lightly swayed, dizziness was common nowadays.

_ I’m not melodramatic _

His movements were sluggish now. Every day as he walked around his house to find something to cure his boredom, he would shuffle his feet instead of picking them up, as his body just wouldn't let him function correctly.

_ I’m just pragmatic beyond any _

_ Reasonin’ for thinking I’ve got  _

_ Fuckin’ rabies, or something _

His body swayed lightly, back and forth, like it was dancing to a melody. 

But he wasn’t dancing.

Not after everything that’s happened. 

Reality and fiction seemed to mix for him. One moment he could be sitting in his room, on his bed, and suddenly he is in the Minecraft realm playing some sort of character that was left to rot.

But he wasn’t. 

He was simply Tommy.

Not some character who’s going to be sentenced to a gruesome death one day soon. Who’s end seems nearer than it should be.

No.

That’s not  **_him_ ** .

_ I think this time I’m dying _

“ _ I think this time I’m dying _ ,” Tommy mumbled, his words getting carried away in the wind, humidity stuck him to the core, light sweat dribbled his skin, but he didn’t care.

He didn’t care when it started to rain.

He didn’t care when his eyes teared up.

He didn’t care when everything spilled out of him.

He simply couldn’t care.

“ _ I think I’ve lost my mind… _ ” Tommy’s lips started to tremble, as his mind spit words at him at 2,000 miles per hour.

Everything was going too fast for him. Yet it was all so slow at the same time. Nothing made sense anymore.

_ Blurring the facts and the fictions _

His sobs started to increase in volume. He never meant to make a sound, but everything  _ hurt _ . Nothing made sense anymore. Why did everything become so complicated?

Why was it getting hard to breathe day to day without tearing up and wanting to scream?

He sighed heavily and slipped back into his room. 

After changing into dry clothes, he flopped onto his bed and fell asleep.

_ While simultaneously fixing  _

_ Myself up with a girl  _

_ Named Panadol _

Tommy was not doing good.

He had just gone to get some bread.

That’s all he wanted.

He wanted  _ food _ . 

Why did he come back to his house burned down? 

  
Why did he come back to everything being  _ gone _ ?

Why wouldn’t everything stop  _ hurting _ ?

  
Please make it  _ end _ .

_ Bite the tablet, Elixir _

_ Disintegrate, mouths a mixer _

He couldn’t believe it. 

  
After rebuilding his house, he still couldn’t feel  _ ok _ . 

He felt empty. 

  
All the cobblestone and wood sat beside him and in his inventory.

His house was small, but he didn’t need much anyway. Only a few chests and a bed, right?   
  


_ Right? _

That’s all he needs,  **_RIGHT_ ** ?   
  


_ I think I’ve lost my mind _

Tommy sat in the corner of his room, airpods in, music blasting so loud, he was surprised he hadn’t lost his hearing yet. 

_ I think I’ve lost my mind _

Tommy was out of tears to cry. He was out of reasons to care. He was out of anything that could make him do anything.

  
His phone was on silent, everyone was blocked, social media deleted, no one could contact him unless they came to visit him. 

  
No one did.

  
No one came to check in with him.

_ If I could just break one more night _

Night and day were nothing to Tommy. Nothing mattered, so why should he keep track of time? When he falls asleep? When he wakes up? When he eats?

“Why don’t I feel okay anymore?” Tommy slowly slumped against the wall. “Why the fuck am  **_I_ ** alone? Didn’t I do everything I could? Didn't I give my discs away so people would be happy? Didn’t I give up my happiness for others? Why am I the one suffering now? They’re all out having fun and I am left here to  **_suffer_ ** ?” 

_ Maybe I could wake up and feel alright _

The bags underneath Tommy’s eyes were heavy. They were dark and proved he wasn’t doing too good.

Did others notice? 

No.

No, they didn’t. Why would they worry about Tommy when they had themselves to worry about? 

Why would they worry about a boy who has seen death and destruction? Why would they worry about a boy who was bound to die just like them? Why would they worry about a boy who has caused them nothing but pain?   
  
Why would they worry about Tommy?

_ My optimistically set alarm clock time _

_ Serves only to mock me with flashing lights _

Tommy was cold.

  
Tommy was alone.

  
And Tommy was  **_done_ ** .   
  
He was sick of everyone’s shit and how when they apologized,  **_they only apologized because it would benefit them and make them seem like great people_ ** .

  
I mean, who cared about Tommy anyways?   
  


Who visited Tommy when he cut off connections? When no one could get an answer from him? When no one has seen him? 

**_NO ONE._ **

**_NO ONE VISITED HIM._ **

“Maybe it was just a busy day. Those bitches don’t have great time management. Unlike  _ me _ . Hahahaha!” Is something that became a daily thing to mumble to himself.

  
There was no one to reassure him of that.

No one to tell him, “Yeah, we just had a lot on our plate. We couldn’t really visit, we’re sorry! Here, take this! It’s a present to say we’re sorry :(“

So he found himself a hobby.

_ I think I’ve made my choice _

He would build up with cobblestone.

  
Up and up and up until he could almost touch the clouds, and then he would sit.

He would sit and let his feet dangle as his mind entertained him with thoughts of what would happen if he just accidentally  _ fell _ .

_ I’m a deceased playing victim _

He would hum “Able Sisters” to entertain him, as nothing was more entertaining than when you are barely holding on, are sitting up high at a height that could kill you if you were to lean far too much to one side, and have a fun song play in the background.

Right?

He coughed, making his dangling feet swing violently as his body tried to numb the pain. 

  
Coughs became normal to him, ones that would make his entire body shudder and make his lungs gasp for air. Ones that would make his throat ache in pain and beg to be soothed.

Those are normal.

_ Slip the face, slip the victory _

No more laughs echoed in the skies and woods surrounding him. He couldn’t bring himself to smile and tell jokes.

He couldn’t bring himself to be happy.

_ I think I’ve made my choice _

  
With the wind ruffling his hair, and the sound of silence surrounding him, he dangled his feet.

The land far below him spread far and wide, yet it never looked more beautiful than in that moment.

_ Sit secluded in hatred _

_ Void the plans friends are making _

Tommy sighed, a very tired sigh at that.

  
The night sky was colorful tonight. There were blues and purples splashed on a canvas as some black seeped in at the seams. The stars were glowing, making everything more beautiful than it should’ve been.

His feet stopped swishing beneath him as his stomach rolled in hunger and in fear.

  
Fear of what?

He didn’t know.

But as the fear slowly disappeared, his stomach still twisted and turned, until it all stopped.

Everything that he felt stopped.

  
Numbness settled deep in his bones, and the only thing he could feel was the wind blowing through his clothes.

_ I think I’ve found my voice _

Nothing seemed louder than it did in that moment.

  
The silence seemed to whisper to him.

**_Do it, Tommy._ **

**_Jump._ **

**_Don’t be a pussy now. I thought you were a “big man”?_ **

  
“I...I am!”   
  
****

**_Then do it._ **

“But won’t it hurt?”

_ I’m a leech sucking blood bags _

_ Taste defeat it’s a sandbag _

**_Now, why would it hurt? If you’re a “big man” then it wouldn’t hurt, kid._ **

“I am not a kid!”

**_How the fuck would I know that? You act like one. You’re always complaining! “They left me here to rot!” and “How could they?” And then you sob like a baby. A BABY!_ **

“I was-”   


  
**_Oh, shut up! I don’t care what you “were doing”. You were being a baby, that’s what you were doing._ **

“No! I...I-”

_ Saline solution _

“You’re right…”   
  
**_Exactly. So do it. What are you wasting time for? DO IT!_ **

“...fine…”

_ Saline solution to all your _

  
Tommy didn’t cry when he stood up. Tommy didn’t ask the voice to stop talking, to stop encouraging him.    
  


He didn’t cry when his foot was above open air.

_ Saline solution to all your _

Tommy didn’t cry when he fell forward. He didn’t start crying when he pulled a certain compass out of his pocket. He didn’t cry when he saw the ground approaching faster than he thought.

Tommy started crying when he heard someone cry out for him.

He started crying when he saw a familiar face slowly come into his vision, as they rushed to save him.

Even though they were stoic 24/7, and even though they didn’t care about the boy because the boy betrayed them, they still tried to save Tommy.

Over the roaring winds, as he came closer to his demise, he cried out, “I’M SORRY TECHNO!”

_ Saline solution to all your problems _

_ Haha! _

A splash of water filled Tommy’s ears, and as no pain greeted his body, but instead a pool of water, he opened them, only to meet the skull of a pig, and pink hair.

  
“Oh, Theseus…”

  
His big brother.   
  


His big brother was in front of him.

“Techie…”


	2. Cut That Bit Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy was saved by Techno.
> 
> He reveals he ran away from Techno.
> 
> Tommy doesn't know what to do really.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Tommy is slowly thinking about his past and coming to the realization he can't leave his brother's and his own past behind.  
> \--  
> Songfic for "Since I saw Vienna" By Wilbur Soot  
> I CAN'T SUMMARIZE! I'M SORRY! IF YOU READ THE WORKS BEFORE THIS, THEN YOU KNOW?? I GUESS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH OK OK, CAN I JUST SAY I WANTED TO MAKE THIS A WHOLE SPERATE WORK JUST BECAUSE OF THE TAGS?? LMAO
> 
> Anyways, like usual:
> 
> TWs!!!!  
> -Mentions of stabbing  
> -Mentioned betrayal  
> -SWEARING  
> -THERE IS SWEARING  
> -LIKE LOTS OF IT  
> -Mentions guilt  
> -Tommy is mad-mad  
> -Tommy yells at Techno  
> -FIRE MENTION  
> -VERY BIG FIRE MENTION  
> -(what could be considered) Self-Worth issues  
> -Drugs are mentioned (TOMMY CONTENT, LIKE LITERALLY JUST WHAT THE COUNTRY WAS BUILT ON? IT WAS A JOKE!!!)  
> -Technoblade Jokes (I feel like I shouldn't say it, but a joke pops up with his whole "just killed an orphan, feeling good." Kinda thing)  
> -Tommy cries
> 
> Uh, yes? Again, caution!! I don't know if I covered everything! Also, I have been writing for almost 12 hours or so straight as I started around 3 pm and it is currently 3 am. so uh, yeah, hehe. 
> 
> ALSO, I AM SKIPPING "Losing Face" AS THAT MENTIONS THE DIRTY SO I WILL JUST MENTION IT IN MY "Your Sister Was Right" SONGFIC, OK? OK.
> 
> Enjoy!!

_ The cute bomber jacket you’ve had since sixth form _

Techno’s cape fluttered gently in the wind that flew past him. No emotion seemed to rest on his face, only a small flash of concern that glowed in his eyes.

_ Adorned with patches of places you’ve been _

Small rips and gentle fading on Techno’s coat seemed to stand out the most to Tommy, as he stared at the warrior that stood in front of him. The man’s face stared back, behind the pig skull that rested on his face.

_ Is nothing on my khaki coat that I got _

_ From the roadside when I was sixteen _

Tommy’s eyes dropped from Techno’s figure and laid to rest on the tattered and kind of plain jacket resting against his stomach. 

  
It smelled of ash and gunpowder. There were tears near the end of the tail and a slightly bigger tear in the back with light blood spotting where  **_Wilbur was stabbed_ ** . 

Small patches were seen littered around the jacket, covering smaller tears and rips from when the person before him wore it.

_ My boots are from airports _

_ My backpack’s from friends _

“Theseus, where...where are your shoes?”

“Huh?” Tommy’s eyes shot up to meet Techno’s pig skull. 

“Your…” Technoblade gestured down to Tommy’s feet, as if he was so confused he didn’t quite know how to word it.

“Oh…” Tommy eyed his bare feet that lay against the ground. They were scratched up and red from being exposed to the elements with no form of protection. “A fire happened. Burned most of my stuff, my house was gone, had to be rebuilt, never got ‘round to makin’ boots for myself.” 

  
“Burned most of your stuff?? What? Bruh.” Techno’s wobbly ‘bruh’ seemed to help the tension calm a bit.

_ I’m not a man of substance and so I’ll pretend  _

_ To be a wander, wandering _

“Yeah. After leaving Wilbur behind, I kinda just adventured my way around. Never really finding a place to rest. One day after going out to buy some bread from a village, that, by the way, was ridiculously far away, I found out something started my house on fire. I didn’t think I’d be gone for too many days, five at the most, and so I left everything in my house. Everything kinda just...fucking died, ya know?” Tommy played with the fraying seam on the coat in his lap.

“Left Wilbur behind? Tommy, you did  **what** ?” Techno’s voice had a bit of a bite to it as he sat down in front of the kid.

“I didn’t want to be a burden, ya know? And I’m a man! So I can take care of myself, thank you very much!” Tommy’s eyes shot up to glare at Techno.

_ Leaving ascetic belongings in hostels and restaurant bins _

_ (Cut that bit out, heheh) _

“Tommy,  **_you’re sixteen_ ** . You don’t need to worry about that! You’re supposed to be taken care of by people who are older than you!!! You’re supposed to be taught right from wrong. And simply enough, this is wrong. I’m bringing you back to Wilbur whether you like it or not.” Techno took off the pig skull to rub his head in frustration. 

The voices in Techno’s head were screaming for him to help Tommy, and, really, why would he not do it? He missed his brother, even if he would rather have his orphan killing right revoked than admit it, and his brother needed help. Who was he to deny his baby brother help?   
  


_ The roads are my home and horizon’s my target _

Tommy stared at Techno in shock. 

“Hold the fuck up, bitch. No, you are not?? You can’t take me back to Wilbur’s! He watches me like a hawk, gets all pissy with me if I do something bad, and then strains himself so  **_I_ ** can feel good. It makes me feel worse! SO NO, YOU ARE NOT AND I AM NOT ALLOWING YOU TO!!!” Tommy baby raged as he threw his hands up in the air and glared at Techno, anger pumping through his veins.

“Tommy-”   
  
“NO, LISTEN HERE, BITCH! I AM NOT GOING BACK TO HIM! I AM NOT HAVING THAT FUCKER STRAIN HIMSELF FOR MY BENEFIT! I AM NOT-”   
  


“TOMMY-”   
  
“I WANT MY LIFE BACK!” Tommy was standing up now, Wilbur’s coat resting gently on his shoulders, his sleeved arms flailing as his breath came out in puffs. 

Techno sat in silence, watching as Tommy screamed and thrashed around.

“I WANT TO BE THE STUPID LITTLE BOY I WAS IN THE BEGINNING! WHERE ALL I DID WAS ‘SELL DRUGS’ AND LIVE MY FUCKING LIFE!” Tommy’s eyes welled up. “WHERE I DON’T HAVE TO LIVE THIS FUCKING LIE WHERE I TELL MYSELF EVERYONE CARES WHEN IN REALITY, NO ONE DOES!”

Tommy’s words rang in the air for a bit, small sniffles filling the silence, and Tommy roughly rubbed at his eyes, his shoulders falling as grief ate away at his heart.

  
“I want my home back…”

_ If I keep on moving, never lose sight of it _

“I just want to go  **_home_ ** …”

_ Treating my memory of you like a fire, let it  _

_ Burn out, don’t fight it and try to move on _

“Tommy-”   
  
“I want something new. I don’t want my smoke-filled past and empty promises. I want something  **_happy_ ** . I want to  **_be happy_ ** .” Tommy sniffled, his arms falling to his sides.

_ It’s been sixty weeks since I saw Vienna _

“I want to smile and laugh like I used to, Techno.”   
  
“And you can.”   
  
“HOW? HOW CAN I-”   
  
“Tommy.”

“...” Tommy quieted down as he heard Techno’s voice change into a soft tone.   
  
“You just need a bit of help, a slight nudge in the right direction if you will. Remember how you used to be?”   
  
A small flash appeared in front of Tommy as a picture flared in his mind. 

A memory where it was him, Wilbur, and Techno. Wilbur had his arm wrapped around Tommy’s shoulder, as his other hand was raised in the air. The smile on Wilbur’s face was wide, his eyes shut in pure happiness.

Tommy’s face held a similar expression, his eyes practically sparkling as he looked between Wilbur and Techno, a bandage rested on his nose, a small thing that meant the world to him, as Wilbur once had a similar bandage(Wilbur got it from Techno, but Tommy didn’t need to know Wilbur looked up to Techno). He held Techno’s hand in one hand as the other was raised just like Wilbur’s.

Techno stood slightly away from the both of them, as he never liked being touched, but he held Tommy’s hand tight in his own. A small smile was on his face as he stared at his two ‘younger’ brother’s celebrating. The hand that wasn’t holding Tommy’s was also raised, but not as high as not to draw attention to himself.

_ A bandage and wide smile slapped across my face _

_ I’ll pick up my hiking boots when I am ready _

The scene seemed to burn away as if it had been lit by a match. The smell of ash reached Tommy’s nose as he coughed violently, only to have Techno patting his back gently.

  
_ And I’ll put down my roots when I’m dead _

  
  


“I’m tired Techno.”   
  
“I know, Theseus.”   
  
“I want to sleep, Techno.”

“I know, Theseus.” 

_ The distance is futile _

_ Come on, don’t be hasty _

“I want to forget them, Techno.”   
  
“You’ll never be able to, Theseus. No matter how much distance you put between you and them, you’ll never be able to get enough distance to truly forget them.”   
  


“I know, Techno.”   
  


_ You’ll get that feeling deep inside your bones _

“I’m ready to go, Techno.”

“You’re not going anywhere, Theseus.”   
  
_ I’ll be gone then when you must be alone _

**_“I know, Techno.”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I am kindly asking for you to leave Kudos and comments! I enjoy seeing that people enjoy my work!! Feels good man!!!
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!!

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments keep me going!! Like, seriously!! They make me happy as then I know someone is happy with my work :D
> 
> I spent uh, I don't know how long on this songfic, but I really would appreciate it if you'd let me know how you felt (even if you just leave a Kudos, I am extremely happy with it. It makes me smile)
> 
> Have a wonderful day! Stay safe!!


End file.
